I'm not writing enough. That is, not as much as I used to. I often blame this blog for distracting me from my journal writing, and thus my thinking. Either way, I am inclined to share here. So here is some thoughs from journals and letters.
I loved the movie, "Into the Wild," and the story, and Alexander. Each time I engage in a discussion about it, and Alex, I am so overwhelmed with just WISHING he had lived. Not to answer our questions, not to settle the mystery, but just to keep loving life and feeling its pains and joys. I really do wish he had lived, even if it had meant we'd never hear his story. But, that said, it brings me to something else. Phil and I are apprenticing with a group called 'Primitive Pursuits', whose mission is to basically introduce people to nature, to show them their connection to all of it, to somehow help them find how much they love it already. So there's that, and there is also the idea of voluntary simplicity, which I have been searching out for myself down wandering roads and amidst outsiders' confusion.
It's true - we need mediums to communicate that not only is the wilderness wonderful, it lacks definition because it is everything. Simplicity isn't just normal (as opposed to crazy), it is lovely and rich. Buying "green" still gets you more stuff, but letting things go can be freeing.
So now i'm rambling. More and more these days my only prayer is telling God that i'm waiting for clarity. I guess I'm trying to tell him that I'll keep fighting what I think is the good fight, keep following my convictions, but I can't see what's next. But really, that's okay. I trust what he says in (i think) Isaiah - Whether you turn to the left or the right, you'll hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way. Walk in it."
No matter what choices I make, he'll keep nudging me along toward the next step. He'll be there. I wholly believe that.